17: Forget Love. Give me Joy.

Yes. I know that love is supposed to be the greatest of all gifts, according to the Bible; however, I'm finding that joy is much harder to come by. While love is something that surrounds most of us as children, joy, on the other hand, is something that comes between the Self and God. In other words, it's an individual sport.

Joy is lacking from my spiritual life and I can't figure out why. I love the songs and I love the study of God's Word, but I lack that pure 'happy' feeling when it comes to everything else about Christianity. Granted, I'm pessimistic to the bone, but still, you'd think that I would find joy somewhere in my spiritual walk. Well, I did, but that was about five years ago. So I've been in this joyless walk in Christ for five years and I have no idea how to find it. I understand faith. I comprehend love. I get all of the fruits of the Spirit, except Joy. Yet, I have no idea why.

Again, the devotional offers a quick fixing statement to lead me to my perfect life. All I have to do is have the right relationship with God, finding my joy there, and then out of me will flow living water. Seems simple enough. Three steps to a perfect life. The problem is the first step, as well as the second, but I can't seem to get over the first one. How do I place myself in the 'right' relationship with God? Go to church? Pray? Read the Bible? And will I ever achieve this? Is it possible to be right with God? Then, of course, there is the gigantic issue of finding joy once you are there, which is often contradictory. I've found that the closer I've become to God, the less happy I've been in my life. And I know that joy and happiness are two different things, but you've got to be pretty strong to find joy in an unhappy time in your life. If you can do that, great. If you're human like the rest of us, you know what I mean.

So Joy is the great mystery in my life. I can't explain it. I would love to have someone explain it to me. It's a slippery slope that I just haven't seem to grasp. Joy comes from the Lord, which means all we have to do is ask, right? Well, I've been asking, but not receiving. And maybe God has given me opportunities to find Joy in certain situations, but I haven't the eye to spot those moments. Give me Joy over Love. To me, that is the greatest thing of all.